Complimenting: Why One Kind Word Warms for Three Winters
In the winter steppes of Mongolia, where temperatures routinely plunge to minus forty degrees, there exists a proverb that has survived for centuries: “A kind word warms for three winters.” Not one winter. Three. The nomadic herders who first spoke these words understood something profound about human energy -that a single moment of genuine appreciation could sustain a person through years of bitter cold.
This Mongolian concept of öndör setgel – roughly translated as “high spirit” or “elevated feeling” – recognized that kindness expressed through words creates something almost tangible between people. Modern Mongolian companies have actually started measuring employee kindness as a key performance indicator, with research suggesting those emphasizing appreciation see significantly lower turnover rates. The wisdom of nomads, it turns out, holds up rather well in corporate boardrooms.
Here’s the curious thing about complimenting others: most of us think we’re doing it for them. We notice something lovely about a person, we mention it, they feel good. Transaction complete. But what if the Mongolian herders knew something we’ve forgotten? What if the act of complimenting-genuine, heartfelt complimenting – changes your vibration as much as theirs?
I have found that heartfelt compliments are miraculous. I still remember the sincere compliments I never expected, versus the ones that sounded more glamorous. A truly sincere compliment is worth more than a long tribute that is not sincere. When I compliment I try to do it from a place of truth. This way it never feels like I’m complimenting but truly reflects what I think and feel. So the more you focus on seeing the good in the world, then it becomes very easy to say kind things. It becomes an automatic filter.
I. Why Complimenting Raises Your Vibration
Think of your attention like a flashlight in a dark room. Wherever you point it, that’s what becomes illuminated. When you actively search for something to appreciate in another person – really look for it – you’re training your flashlight to find beauty. And a flashlight that’s practiced at finding beauty starts finding it everywhere.
This is how the Emotional Guidance Scale works in practice. When you notice someone’s thoughtful gesture, their creative solution, the particular way they laugh -you’re already moving up the scale. You can’t genuinely appreciate something while simultaneously feeling frustrated or hopeless. The two vibrations simply can’t exist in the same moment.
The catch is that the compliment must be real. Your inner guidance knows the difference between genuine appreciation and performance. Hollow flattery -the kind offered for strategic gain- actually drops your vibration because some part of you registers the disconnect between what you’re saying and what you’re feeling. But when the appreciation flows from something you truly see and value? That’s when both people rise.
This might be why authenticity matters so much in complimenting. A small truth genuinely felt carries more weight than elaborate praise that doesn’t land.
II. The VM Method Applied to Complimenting
Let’s walk through how our Ground, Discover, Embody method transforms complimenting from a social nicety into a genuine vibrational practice.
Ground: Arriving in the Present Moment
Before speaking any words of appreciation, pause. Get present. Notice your feet on the floor, your breath moving in and out. This isn’t ceremony for ceremony’s sake – it’s alignment. A compliment delivered while you’re mentally rehearsing your grocery list carries different energy than one offered from full presence. The person receiving it may not consciously know the difference, but something in them does.
Discover: Finding What Genuinely Moves You
Ask yourself: what do I actually appreciate about this person? Not what should I appreciate. Not what would be nice to say. What genuine thing catches my attention? Maybe it’s how they handled a difficult conversation. Maybe it’s their persistence. Maybe it’s simply that they showed up when they didn’t have to. The specific thing matters less than its truthfulness.
Embody: Becoming Someone Who Notices Goodness
This is where complimenting transforms from occasional behavior into vibrational identity. When you practice genuine appreciation enough, you become someone whose default setting is noticing what’s right with people rather than what’s wrong. This isn’t denial of problems – it’s a conscious choice about where your attention lives. Positivity becomes less something you do and more something you are.
“A kind word warms for three winters.”
— Mongolian Proverb
III. The Four Types of Complimenting
Just as there are four types of manifestation, there are four ways we tend to approach complimenting others – and ourselves.
Unconscious Dark: This is criticism without awareness. The constant mental commentary about what’s wrong with people. The unspoken judgments. The appreciation we feel but never express because it didn’t occur to us that speaking it matters.
Conscious Dark: This is flattery for manipulation. Praise designed to get something rather than give something. It might work in the short term, but it corrodes both the giver and receiver because somewhere, both parties sense the transaction hiding beneath the words.
Unconscious Light: This is when appreciation flows naturally without thought. You spontaneously tell a stranger you love their scarf. You text a friend at 2am just to say you were thinking of how much they mean to you. It’s beautiful, but inconsistent -dependent on mood and circumstance.
Conscious Light: This is the practice. Deliberately training yourself to notice goodness, then choosing to speak it aloud. Not forced positivity- genuine appreciation made intentional. This is where complimenting becomes a tool for raising your own vibration while blessing others.
To understand which type you’ve been practicing- and how to shift into Conscious Light creation – our free eBook walks through each manifestation type with exercises for moving toward deliberate, aligned creating.
IV. Complimenting Yourself Without the Awkwardness
Here’s where most people squirm. Complimenting others feels generous. Complimenting yourself feels… well, weird. Self-indulgent. Maybe even delusional if life isn’t going particularly well.
But consider this: the vibration of self-appreciation and the vibration of self-worth are identical. When you genuinely acknowledge something good about yourself -not in comparison to others, just honest recognition – you’re practicing the same energetic muscle used in receiving abundance of all kinds.
The key is starting small and staying honest. If telling yourself “I’m amazing and perfect” feels like a lie, don’t say it. Instead, find something you can genuinely acknowledge. “I showed up today even though I didn’t feel like it.” “I made someone laugh.” “I kept my patience when it would have been easier not to.” Affirmations work best when they feel true to your current reality.
If self-complimenting feels impossible right now, please know that’s okay. Where you are is perfect. Can you find a thought that feels just a little bit better? Can you move up just one notch on the Emotional Guidance Scale? That’s the only requirement.
For a lot of my clients accepting compliments is painfully difficult, but giving compliments is easy for them. Receiving and allowing compliments is part of allowing wellbeing in your life. If you feel they are sincere, then accept them with love and gratitude. It’s all tied to the act of receiving. Receiving compliments, opens you up to receiving wellbeing in all areas of your life.
V. The Art of Receiving
Strange as it sounds, how you receive a compliment matters as much as how you give one. Deflecting praise (“Oh, this old thing?”) is a form of energetic resistance. You’re literally pushing away positive vibration that someone is trying to share with you.
The practice is simple but not easy: when someone compliments you, pause. Let it land. Say “thank you” and mean it. Notice if there’s an urge to minimize or deflect, and gently let that urge pass. Loving communication flows both ways – giving and receiving.
Receiving gracefully requires the same presence as giving genuinely. Both ask you to be fully in the moment, open to connection. Both are acts of allowing – letting positive energy move through you rather than blocking it with self-consciousness or unworthiness.
The exercises below offer two ways to practice complimenting as a vibrational tool. Start with whichever feels most accessible right now. Both work. Both count.
💧 Dip In: The Three Genuine Things
Time: 2-5 minutes | What you’ll need: Just yourself and another person (any interaction will do)
This practice transforms ordinary interactions into opportunities for vibrational alignment.
Before your next conversation with anyone – a colleague, barista, family member:
1. Take one conscious breath. Feel your feet on the ground.
2. Silently notice three genuine things you appreciate about this person. They can be tiny. The way they said good morning. Their patience. That they remembered your name.
3. Choose the one that feels most true – the one that creates a small warm feeling when you think it.
4. If it feels right, express it simply. “I appreciate that you…” or “I noticed how you…” Keep it brief. Sincerity needs no decoration.
5. Notice how you feel after. Don’t analyze- just notice.
The goal isn’t to compliment everyone you meet. It’s to practice seeing goodness until it becomes your default lens.
🌊 Embody It: Mirror Appreciation Practice
Time: 10-15 minutes | What you’ll need: A mirror, privacy, willingness to feel slightly uncomfortable at first
For a guided version of this practice, try Soul Reflection – Reclaiming Inner Love on our YouTube channel.
This practice directly addresses the discomfort most of us feel around self-appreciation.
1. Stand or sit before a mirror. Make eye contact with yourself. Notice any urge to look away, and gently stay.
2. Take three slow breaths. With each exhale, let your shoulders drop a little.
3. Notice your current emotional state. Where do you feel on the Emotional Guidance Scale? Don’t judge. Just notice.
4. Now, speak one true appreciation to yourself aloud. Start small if needed: “I showed up today.” “I’m trying.” “I haven’t given up.” Find words that feel honest.
5. Notice any shift in how you feel. If the words landed, try reaching for something that feels slightly better: “I’m getting better at this.” “I have good intentions.” “There’s something lovable in me, even when I can’t see it.”
6. Continue for a few minutes, letting each appreciation reach for a slightly better-feeling thought. Not leaping to “I’m perfect” – just climbing the scale one notch at a time.
7. End with three sincere self-appreciations. They don’t need to be grand. “I like my persistence.” “I’m proud that I tried this exercise.” “I care about growing.”
If this practice feels challenging, that’s normal. The discomfort is resistance meeting presence. Stay gentle with yourself. Even attempting this counts as progress.
The Mongolian herders knew something essential: warmth travels. A kind word offered with genuine feeling creates ripples that extend far beyond the moment of speaking. It warms the receiver, certainly. But it also transforms the giver into someone who walks through the world with their appreciation-flashlight switched on.
Complimenting – when practiced with mindful intention -becomes less about making others feel good and more about training yourself to see goodness. And someone who sees goodness everywhere tends to find it everywhere. That’s not positive thinking. That’s vibrational physics.
Start where you are. One genuine appreciation. One honest self-acknowledgment. One moment of receiving without deflecting. Three winters of warmth begin with a single kind word.
Practice This With Support
Inside the Vibration Mentor Community, you’ll find 560+ energy tools, bi-weekly clearing calls, and a space to practice genuine appreciation alongside others who understand this work. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is surround yourself with people who get it.
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Continue Your Practice
Free Manifestation Course: Learn the complete foundations of conscious creation through our free YouTube playlist.
Deep Dive: Explore the 66-day Conscious Creation Cycle in the Conscious Creation Cycle book available on Amazon.
Common Questions About Complimenting
The art of genuine appreciation
Discomfort with receiving compliments often stems from low self-worth or a belief that we don't deserve praise. When someone offers appreciation that doesn't match our internal self-image, we experience cognitive dissonance and deflect to resolve it. This deflection is actually a form of energetic resistance - pushing away positive vibration that could help raise our emotional state. The practice of receiving gracefully - pausing, saying thank you, and letting the compliment land without minimizing it - is an essential part of allowing wellbeing to flow.
Genuine compliments start with genuine noticing. Before speaking, pause and ask yourself what you truly appreciate about this person. Focus on specific observations rather than generic praise - instead of "you're great," try "I noticed how patient you were in that meeting." The specificity signals that you actually paid attention. Also, get present before speaking. A compliment delivered while fully in the moment carries different energy than one tossed off while distracted. Finally, keep it simple. Sincerity needs no decoration - brief and honest always lands better than elaborate and performative.
The difference lies in intention and authenticity. A genuine compliment is offered because you noticed something you truly appreciate and want to express it - the giving is the gift. Flattery is praise designed to get something in return, whether approval, favor, or manipulation. Your inner guidance knows the difference. Hollow flattery actually lowers your vibration because part of you registers the disconnect between what you're saying and what you're feeling. A genuine compliment, even a small one, raises the vibration of both the giver and receiver because it's rooted in truth.
Absolutely yes. When you actively search for something to appreciate in another person, you're training your attention to find beauty and goodness. You cannot genuinely appreciate something while simultaneously feeling frustrated, jealous, or hopeless - appreciation and those lower emotions cannot occupy the same moment. Regular practice of genuine complimenting shifts your default setting toward noticing what's right rather than what's wrong. This isn't denial of problems; it's a conscious choice about where your attention lives. Over time, you become someone who naturally sees goodness everywhere, which directly correlates with a higher vibrational state.
Start small and stay honest. If telling yourself "I'm amazing and perfect" feels like a lie, don't say it - forcing affirmations that don't resonate can actually increase resistance. Instead, find something you can genuinely acknowledge: "I showed up today even though I didn't feel like it," "I kept my patience when it would have been easier not to," or "I'm trying, and that counts." The key is reaching for thoughts that feel true while being just slightly better-feeling than where you currently are. Practice in front of a mirror and notice any urge to look away or deflect - that discomfort is resistance meeting presence. Even acknowledging "this feels hard but I'm doing it anyway" counts as self-appreciation.
